Idiocy.
The bundle of absolute retardation that serves as one of my neighbors has proven to me once more that my faith in the relative intelligence of mankind against the average rock is completely unfounded.
She has this terrible spotted dog, some kind of retriever or spaniel or retrieving spaniel of some kind. I'd be willing to bet you $5 or a mid-list glass of wine that her dog was procured in some kind of fit whereby cuteness was some kind of deciding factor. All dogs are cute, that's why we call them dogs and not cats. It is not a good reason to purchase an individual specimen. I am confident that she has no understanding that she has purchased for herself a dog that was probably bred for work, hunting or sporting of some kind, and that it is completely inappropriate for apartment living.
My conclusions are reasonable based on the fact that the animal is confined to her porch, dying of boredom, where it can look at about 25 other back porches and bark wildly whenever a molecule twitches in its visual domain. My guess would be that this beast of little brain is absolutely mad with pent up energy and work drive, and probably behaves just like a working dog in an apartment. Which is probably very undesirable to Little Bunny Foo Foo, his owner. Relegated to the porch, he barks. Persistently. Given the opportunity, he will run all over the apartment, barking from each window. He also likes to claw at the railing, dump his designer dog toys over the side, and bark some more.
Because I have apartment appropriate and fairly well trained dogs, at least mine don't bark back. My Italian Greyhound gives him a little what-for, but they both focus on ignoring him. To them, he's probably the dog equivalent of the kid on the playground with dirt on his face and urine down his front, begging everyone to play with him.
Let me be clear that I don't hate the dog. I have no criticism of an animal that wants to do what it was bred to do. It doesn't appeal to me as a dog because I feel that in modern times, people need to have modern dogs, not working or sporting or hunting dogs. This means that terriers, even silky little balls of grandma-nipping fuzz, are completely out. People who want a black lab completely puzzle me. Do people fail to understand that while trendy, a Labrador Retriever is not intended by any stretch of the imagination, to lay at your feet 24 hours a day? They chew on things and tear things up and are pent up in back yards and ignored because they want to do what they want to do, which is work. They want to run miles and miles every day, swim out to the middle of lakes, and pick up dead things, and swim back, and run to you, and drop the carcass at your feet, and then do it again. If you're going to get a fucking working dog, you'd better have some work for it. A Doberman is 1000 times more attractive, smarter, better with children, and just as available, and that particular dog IS designed to lay around 23.75 hours a day. Of course, I am also speaking about the same people who will buy an SUV that could house three migrant families so that they can play the, "I can take up 2 parking spaces" game while buying their single tall nonfat latte and 4 oz diet yogurt at a store three blocks from home.
Dogs are very intelligent beings. They are man's best friend because they are smart enough to train mankind to provide for all of their needs utilizing very little of their own effort. Their minds are not complete blanks. If they were, they wouldn't get into any trouble, or do anything at all. They are problem solvers and they do what is rewarding. It's obvious and simple. Solving problems and doing what is rewarding is a very common theme among all living things, plants included. How this can escape people's notice, I am not sure. I suppose that our society has created an entire populace of people who don't solve problems and fail to do things that are rewarding, rendering the rest of the planet and all intelligent life a completely confusing prospect.
That said, today Idiot Dog was barking his head off as usual. Little Bunny Foo Foo came out and yelled at him. To a dog, this sounds like barking. She's singing along. Woohoo! Then, when that failed, she let him out of his crate on the porch, (I'm guessing that he probably has a strong smell, being a working dog, which conflicts with her Victoria's Secret saturated environment), and started making kissing noises in his face, and then gave him some food.
So, the dog barks, and he is released, given attention, and fed. Wow, what a terribly, terribly "bad" dog. "Bad" maybe, but he's not stupid.
People should be the right person with the right lifestyle for the dog, or get a stuffed animal instead. I am Absolutely Correct.
She has this terrible spotted dog, some kind of retriever or spaniel or retrieving spaniel of some kind. I'd be willing to bet you $5 or a mid-list glass of wine that her dog was procured in some kind of fit whereby cuteness was some kind of deciding factor. All dogs are cute, that's why we call them dogs and not cats. It is not a good reason to purchase an individual specimen. I am confident that she has no understanding that she has purchased for herself a dog that was probably bred for work, hunting or sporting of some kind, and that it is completely inappropriate for apartment living.
My conclusions are reasonable based on the fact that the animal is confined to her porch, dying of boredom, where it can look at about 25 other back porches and bark wildly whenever a molecule twitches in its visual domain. My guess would be that this beast of little brain is absolutely mad with pent up energy and work drive, and probably behaves just like a working dog in an apartment. Which is probably very undesirable to Little Bunny Foo Foo, his owner. Relegated to the porch, he barks. Persistently. Given the opportunity, he will run all over the apartment, barking from each window. He also likes to claw at the railing, dump his designer dog toys over the side, and bark some more.
Because I have apartment appropriate and fairly well trained dogs, at least mine don't bark back. My Italian Greyhound gives him a little what-for, but they both focus on ignoring him. To them, he's probably the dog equivalent of the kid on the playground with dirt on his face and urine down his front, begging everyone to play with him.
Let me be clear that I don't hate the dog. I have no criticism of an animal that wants to do what it was bred to do. It doesn't appeal to me as a dog because I feel that in modern times, people need to have modern dogs, not working or sporting or hunting dogs. This means that terriers, even silky little balls of grandma-nipping fuzz, are completely out. People who want a black lab completely puzzle me. Do people fail to understand that while trendy, a Labrador Retriever is not intended by any stretch of the imagination, to lay at your feet 24 hours a day? They chew on things and tear things up and are pent up in back yards and ignored because they want to do what they want to do, which is work. They want to run miles and miles every day, swim out to the middle of lakes, and pick up dead things, and swim back, and run to you, and drop the carcass at your feet, and then do it again. If you're going to get a fucking working dog, you'd better have some work for it. A Doberman is 1000 times more attractive, smarter, better with children, and just as available, and that particular dog IS designed to lay around 23.75 hours a day. Of course, I am also speaking about the same people who will buy an SUV that could house three migrant families so that they can play the, "I can take up 2 parking spaces" game while buying their single tall nonfat latte and 4 oz diet yogurt at a store three blocks from home.
Dogs are very intelligent beings. They are man's best friend because they are smart enough to train mankind to provide for all of their needs utilizing very little of their own effort. Their minds are not complete blanks. If they were, they wouldn't get into any trouble, or do anything at all. They are problem solvers and they do what is rewarding. It's obvious and simple. Solving problems and doing what is rewarding is a very common theme among all living things, plants included. How this can escape people's notice, I am not sure. I suppose that our society has created an entire populace of people who don't solve problems and fail to do things that are rewarding, rendering the rest of the planet and all intelligent life a completely confusing prospect.
That said, today Idiot Dog was barking his head off as usual. Little Bunny Foo Foo came out and yelled at him. To a dog, this sounds like barking. She's singing along. Woohoo! Then, when that failed, she let him out of his crate on the porch, (I'm guessing that he probably has a strong smell, being a working dog, which conflicts with her Victoria's Secret saturated environment), and started making kissing noises in his face, and then gave him some food.
So, the dog barks, and he is released, given attention, and fed. Wow, what a terribly, terribly "bad" dog. "Bad" maybe, but he's not stupid.
People should be the right person with the right lifestyle for the dog, or get a stuffed animal instead. I am Absolutely Correct.
posted by bucketgirl at 6:42 PM
2 Comments:
I, Ayric Andrew Dierenfeld, on this day, August 19th, 2005, do assert and declare that I view this post as the most entertaining and NON-Ayric based post yet for "Absoultely Correct".
ab-soul-tely?
Thanks.
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